The Big Picture
And tell me do I fit in the big picture. Do I have a shot at the big part? ’Cause I’ve been up all night looking at the big picture — Elton John, The Big Picture
I had an interesting conversation this week with a fellow comedian via Facebook Messenger. He was upset about an open mic that didn’t go well the night before. The audience was mostly other comics so he didn’t get very many laughs. Other comics didn’t take advantage of the stage time they were given and “gave up” early. So it ended up being one of those nights where any comic might question why the heck they are doing this?
It happens. It’s happened to me, and I’ve been guilty of “giving up” due to lack of validation. I’ve done it. I’ve quit early rather than doing my full allotted time because I was bombing. Or because of the crappy audience and the comics going up and bombing before me, I’ve convinced myself that I’m going to have a bad show too, and that’s exactly what happened.
These are all things that you have to remind yourself are out of your control, but you have to take control and I’ve learned this the hard way. I’ve had a horrible night on stage and then watched a comic go up there, not phased by the circumstances of the evening, and give it their all and end up having a great set.
My friend went on about how things aren’t getting better for him, this scenario keeps repeating itself, he doesn’t feel like he’s progressing, he’s wondering why he’s doing this, and he’s losing focus on the big picture. So I asked him, “What is the big picture?”
As I get older, one thing I’ve learned is that too many people spend too much time focusing on the big picture, rather than focusing on what they can see right in front of them. Poor decisions or life in general are usually to blame. Our mind becomes overloaded and cloudy with what “could be” instead of what actually is.
Sure, we can dream big, we can work hard, we can set goals, and we can strive to succeed in everything in life. Society instills that in all children from a very early age. We have to be good at something, and reap the rewards of it whether it be fame, money, a career, a family, or some other gratification. You want to tell everyone to look at what you’ve done!
But what happens when you are suddenly forty years old and you find that you haven’t accomplished those goals or made those dreams come true (yet) so you start beating yourself up over it? You aren’t rich. You aren’t famous. You aren’t married. And you don’t feel successful. And suddenly you find yourself saying, “What have I done?”
What you’ve done is focused too much on the big picture instead of focusing on the here and now. I’m not pointing fingers. I’m guilty of this too. I told my friend to stop “thinking big” and start “thinking small.” Focus on the next open mic and focus on doing your best. Don’t give up on it. Don’t waste your time. Don’t let a small crowd get you down. Focus and prepare like that open mic, no matter what the circumstances are that you can’t control anyway, is going to be your best show to date! That’s it!
I believe that a lot of our social problems, anxiety, depression, and the like stem from our personal failures. Our head swells with all the things that we “need” to accomplish. And then we beat ourselves up when we don’t succeed at as many of those things as possible, if not all of them.
So stop doing it!
It’s not easy. I like to say my mind gets cloudy. I can feel the wheels spinning and feel myself getting overwhelmed at times when I start thinking about “everything:” everything I need to do, everything I want, everything I have to accomplish. Stop!
Just think about one small thing!
And that one thing should be what you can control and what is within reach. So what if you aren’t famous yet! So what if you aren’t getting asked to do more shows! So what if the shows you are doing aren’t going the way you want them to go! Focus on changing the next show. Change what you can about yourself, about your set, about your jokes, and don’t let all the “big” stuff bring you down.
When I was young, at one point I wanted to be a teacher. Then I wanted to be a writer. I think I was even going to join the Peace Corp for a minute. I can’t remember ever wanting to be anything else. After dropping out of college, I ended up managing a home accessory store, I worked in a bookstore for a year, and now I work for a medical supply wholesaler!
But my job is a decent living. It pays the bills. It feeds me. And most importantly, it allows me the time to do the things in life that really matter to me and define who I really am.
A coworker once told me I should be doing something else, something more gratifying, something more meaningful, something bigger! My reply? I said, “How do you know I’m not?”
It’s fun to ask a child what they want to be when they grow up. I’m 41 now and still don’t know. But I stopped worrying about that a long time ago. I stopped looking at the big picture and started looking at what was right in front of me. And as a comedian, that means not worrying about the things I can’t change. Instead, I focus on the next show, open mic or whatever, and try to make it my best ever.
Tell me what is right in front of you that you are reaching for or want to accomplish! I want to hear about it!